Terminix to the rescue!

We’ve had a problem with ants lately! I don’t mean the crazy little sugar ants. I’m talking about every species of ants that’s known to man! We’ve had medium sized black ants…tiny black ants, ghost ants AND the crazy little sugar ants! They were driving me nuts!!!!!!!! My kitchen is small so I have limited space to place things while I’m cooking other things. I couldn’t put anything down on the counter to finish another dish without worrying about the ants getting to my gourmet dishes. I was tired of balancing the warm bread on my head in a basket…holding the bowl of rice in my left hand as I tossed the salad with tongs between my teeth!!!!! I WAS ON A MISSION…THE ANTS WERE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!
I hobbled to Ace Hardware Hawaii and asked the guy what I should use to kill the ants. I had already tried Tero (which had killed any ants I’ve ever had in the past…but no luck!) I explained we have a cat and I didn’t want anything that would harm Fluffy. BUD MAYBE (THE DIRTY UGLY GOLDFISH…but not Fluffy).
“OH…you need this!” He leads me down the isle of insecticides to the glowing spray bottle of “BUG STOP INDOORS PLUS OUTDOORS”. Wow…$14 for a bottle of insecticide! If it meant the ants would be gone…I’d pay it!
“Just spray it where you see the ants and they’ll die on contact!” he said. Wish I had gotten his name… cause he’s a LIAR!
I went home with spray bottle in hand waiting for the invasion! I stood in the kitchen with “BUG STOP INDOORS PLUS OUTDOORS” in my hand ready to fire! In just a few minutes the army of ants began marching across my kitchen wall between the counter and the fridge. I AIMED AND FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE YOU SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!
I watched the spray shooting from the “gun” and striking the ants in motion. The spray is actually a heavy stream (which runs down the wall and I’ll have to clean it up so Fluffy doesn’t lick it!). I watch and wait for the ants to DIE! What was going on? Some of the ants were doing synchronized back strokes as others were running laps in the “pool”. I think I actually saw one do a perfect jack knife dive! They finished their “work out”…shook themselves dry and trailed back onto the kitchen counter!
“Honey, I don’t think this is going to work!” I called to Tom.
Thomas finally decided enough was enough. He was calling in the BIG GUNS! He called Terminix. We set up the earliest appointment we could with “Troy”. He would come to our home…evaluate and treat!
I waited for Troy to arrive to kill the demons. I pictured him walking in with a gas mask…large tank of compressed insecticide on his back and carrying an Uzi for back up!
The door bell rang I went to let Troy in.
OK…so he doesn’t have a gas mask! He doesn’t have a large tank of compressed insecticide on his back! HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE AN UZI!!!
He walked in with a syringe and a bag of ant “treats”! WE SIGNED A CONTRACT FOR THIS?
OK…he didn’t have a gas mask or an Uzi…put he had a CONTRACT!!!!!!
As Tom and Troy were going over the contract, I said “Troy, how many women work in your office?”
Tom rolled his eyes and said “Oh God!”
“About 10”, Troy replied.
“Would you mind taking some of my Avon brochures to the girls you work with?” I asked.
“That wouldn’t be a problem at all” he replied.
Troy treated the condo. His magic syringe had the ants crawling towards the droplets like bees to honey. This was so cool!!!!!!!!! All the different species joined together as one as they marched to the magic potion!
As he left, I said “Would you like the Avon books in a Safeway bag or Avon bag?”
“I’ll take the Safeway bag!”
Troy walks out of the condo carrying an empty syringe and a Safeway bag full of Avon books.
He had told us if we saw more than a few ants before his next scheduled appointment in October to just give him a call and he’d come back.
I called on Saturday. We still had a few ants. The number of ants had dropped so much that I could actually set the rice down as I tossed the salad with my teeth, but they were still driving me nuts.
The girl that answered the phone told us that Troy was really busy and she’d see when the soonest time was that she could work us in. “I have an appointment on Tuesday afternoon. Will that work for you?” I’M SICK OF THE ANTS…OF COURSE IT WOULD WORK!
“Did you see anything in the Avon books that you’d like to order?” I asked the girl on the phone.
“What Avon books? I didn’t get a book. I love Avon!”
“OK. I’ll make sure Troy brings you one this time”.
TROY BETTER COME WITH AN UZI NOW BECAUSE HE WASTED MY BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
On Tuesday, when the doorbell rang, I greeted Troy pleasantly. “Thanks so much for working us in! I’m so tired of these ants!!!!”
“Not a problem” Troy replied. “Did the ants go away completely and come back again?” he asked.
“No there have been a few survivors since the first treatment. They never went away completely.”
“Not a problem! We’ll take care of the rest!”
WOW…Troy’s really nice!!!!!!! He’s going to kill my ants!!! I’m soooooooo happy!
I glance at Troy as he pulls out a “contract”. The same “contract” he pulled out with Tom as he promised me he’d deliver my books!!!!!!!!!!
Something snapped inside me!!!!! My head spun around in circles…my eyes shot flames and I screamed in 7 different tongues…”YOU PROMISED ME YOU’D DELIVER MY BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GIRL WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE ON SATURDAY SAID SHE NEVER SAW ANY AVON BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!”
Troy pulled his “magic syringe” on me and said “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, CRAZY LADY, I GAVE YOUR BOOKS TO JOELLE TO PASS OUT!”
OK…he gave me a name. Maybe I had “over reacted” a tad!
“I’m sorry Troy…but she really wants to see an Avon book! She told me she loooooooves Avon! Will you take some more books with you when you go?”
Troy looked hesitant (he knew he would be coming back for the scheduled appointment in October…and I guess he didn’t know what he’d face then!)
After hearing me speak in tongues…Troy once again replied “No problem.”
We walked through the condo and Troy used his “magic syringe” to treat the few places we had still seen ants.
As he filled out the contract for me to sign…I loaded a Safeway bag with Avon brochures for him to take to the girls in the office.
I signed the contract… scheduled our next appointment and handed him his Safeway bag full of books. WHAT A NICE GUY!!!!!
The moral of this story… Avon brochures are mightier than the “syringe”!
Rosie